Part 1 – Written April 26th, 2009
In 2005 I got my first digital camera, I shot everything I could that looked “cool” or “interesting.” I started shooting glamour / model photography right away. Perhaps it was an excuse to talk to pretty girls or have an excuse to hang out with them. However, that changed and I took it seriously shortly afterwards. I continued shooting glamour / model photos for the next two years, only just recently have I decided to stop.
Throughout my education and study I have realized that pretty pictures alone do nothing and solve even less. There is no investigation or puzzle. Looking back at those images (and the few there are I’ve bothered to keep) I don’t know why I wanted to take them. Looking back I feel little satisfaction for the photographs I took. Below are just a few of my more successful modeling shots. These were more of a trial & error and I really believe that a lot of these successful images from 2006 were just luck and some skill in photoshop.
Abby (2006)
This is one of the first portraits I ever took.
Part of my Glamour Melancholy series.
Throughout 2006 and 2007 I took pictures of a lot of my friends. I was, however, primarily concerned with model and glamour photography with hints of sadness.
Pretty (2006)
My first photograph with a deeper meaning.
Part of my Melancholyseries.
I continued to take images and get more understood in photoshop. Photography for me started as an excuse to be anti-social and still social at the same time. I could be in my own world behind the camera. At this time I was going to school for graphic design and began to feel like that needed to change. Below are some examples of some early photoshop experiments.
City at Sleep (2006)
One of my first major successes in photoshop.
Part of my End of the World series (now deleted).
I took Sculpture class at UW Stout in the Spring of 2007 and through much inner struggle I made it through with new questions on the horizon. The teacher I had, Lars Jerlach, challenged me more that I wanted to be challenged and I hated it. But now that time has passed I really am thankful that someone did that for me.
The Risk (2007)
An example of one of my sculpture projects.
Part of my Wordsseries.
My photography in late 2007 bloomed. It was in this year my feeling of inadequacy pushed me further. There is no feeling like that dreaded sinking feeling that you may be left behind and have nothing to show for yourself.
The first thing I did in early 2007 was develop more and more modeling photography. I was fascinated with female beauty and wanted to contrast it with a rough background quality. It was this contrast that I found enticing, even more than the women in the photographs themselves. I started by asking friends to model for me began getting people I didn’t even know interested from modelmayhem.com, a website for models and photographers.
Without a Face (2007)
My very first model shoot with someone I didn’t know. This was taken near the end of the shoot.
Part of my Portrait series.
Without a Face (2007)
My very first model shoot with someone I didn’t know. This was taken near the end of the shoot.
This image has now been taken offline.
I was commissioned to do two fashion shoots for some of the fashion majors at UW-Stout, where I was at school, by Katie Shay in the Spring of 2008. Katie was a friend and one of the models for Justine Harris’s line of clothing. April Ashleson was the other collaborator during this time. These pictures gave me confidence and some great experiences in poses and angles.
Killers They Can All Be (2008)
My first commissioned work.
Part of Justine Harris’s Clothing Line series.
Light (2008)
Taken the same day as the picture above.
Part of April Ashleson’s Clothing Line my Confrontational series.
During the summer of 2008 I began expanding my services and looking for models. I juggled between this and more friends of mine during the summer with no real goal in mind but to just see what happened. There were a few exceptional photographs taken.
Waiting – Part XXV (2008)
One of my more successful poses.
Part of my Boredomseries.
I quickly grew bored with model photography, I felt like I was becoming a tool or something. I felt like I was taking advantage of attractive women to make a pretty picture or two. What easier subject to photograph? No one pointed this out to me, I just got the feeling back again of inadequacy. This feeling—as you will find out—I think of as a blessing and a curse. I guess you could say that I grew tired of taking pictures of pretty faces.
During the Fall of 2008 in Painting class I again found myself asking a new set of questions. My teacher, Tamara Brantmeier influenced me on thinking further. I was also challenged, for what seemed like the first time, on my “originality” from several students. These student’s were all sculpture majors. It was also in this year I took up web design on my own and created this website, undoingautumn.com.
I had a sudden burst of inspiration and shot my series “Bound Like an Animal” one night in a friends spare bedroom. This series deals with bondage and was my first series that dealt with sexuality directly. It was also my first “closed series.”
This is True Enlightenment (2008)
My first series dealing with sexuality directly.
Part of my Bound Like an Animal series.
Forever and Never (2008)
The last model photography I did with no real purpose.
Part of my Lust series.
It was three days before Christmas when I took my brother and his friends and created the series “School’s Out for the Summer.” It was in this shoot that I created my first narrative regarding a serious theme of high school violence and bullying. I was inspired by the movie “Elephant” from the night before. It was the day after Christmas I snuck into the mall and photographed some of their mannequins after the mall was closed. This ongoing theme of mannequins was inspired by Andrew Liles, an experimental musician, and his album “All Closed Doors.” I felt passion again for photography. You can view the video here.
School’s Out For The Summer (2008)
The first narrative series I ever did.
Part of my School’s Out for the Summer series.
Thrown Away Like an Abortion (2009)
One of my favorite images from early 2009.
Part of myMannequins series.
I decided to toss out every image that had no point. I decided to categorize them based on what theme they could portray. This was one of the smartest moves I ever did because based on this move I essentially locked myself into doing series exclusively. It’s like shooting a movie, writing a song, or painting something. You have to have a plan. Ever since that day in the high school with the “School’s Out for the Summer” series I have never gone shooting photography blindly with no intention. Sure I’ll shoot for fun now and again, but never without an idea lingering in the back of my mind.
In January of 2009 a fire burned down three storefronts in my hometown, Austin, MN. I had some friends inform me that night to “get the hell over here and take some pictures.” One of my friends, Marissa Ide, informed me of this as did my father. 20 min’s after Marissa’s phone call I was on the road to take these pictures, not knowing what to expect. I arrived that night and began shooting. However, I was stopped by the police and couldn’t get close enough to take any worthwhile pictures. I went back the next morning and got the pictures that are now in my “Through Hell for This” series. The combination of fire and ice created a surreal effect. This was the first set of images that I enhanced as much as I did. This was also the first set of images where I played around with HDR.
A Complex Paradox (2009)
Taken the morning after the Austin, MN fire. The temperatures reached -30 that night and froze all of the water from the firefighters futile attempts to stop the fire.
Part of my Through Hell for This series.
A week later I began an investigation of heightened sexuality in my series “Candy Lips” as well as an investigation into digital painting. This series was a step forward in themed work, however obvious the message may be.
Candy Lips – Detail Shot No.17 (2009)
My first glimpse into my now apparent sexuality pieces. This was my first try at Corel© Painter.
Part of my Candy Lips Symbolism series.
In February I shot “This Charming Man,” which was not my own idea but the idea of a local filmmaker Dan Moen about murder. I changed the context of this and made my first photography “video” with music and additional text into a short and somewhat interesting study of murder. You can view the video for this here.
This Charming Man No.8 (2009)
Just happened to be at the right place at the right time…
Part of my This Charming Man series (Now in Portraits)
The next month I shot “Beauty Queen / Trainwreck,” which was about a woman trying to maintain her youth at all costs. These images, up till now, took the longest to publish because each one was hand painted in Corel© Painter.
Beauty Queen/Trainwreck No.8 (2009)
My second attempt at digital painting from a photograph.
Part of my Beauty Queen/Trainwreck series.
In April I shot “Survival and Replication” and “I’m Not Sweet, Just Desperate” which are two of my most offensive and obscene image series to date. They deal with rape and eating disorders, respectfully. These are by far my most controversial photographs so far.
Survival and Replication No.18 (2009)
This series was the first I ever used a flash for, believe it or not, and was the first scripted series. Meaning every shot was planned.
Part of my Survival and Replication series.
I’m Not Sweet, Just Desperate Detail 01-02 (2009)
Lots and lots of chocolate syrup!
Part of my I’m Not Sweet, Just Desperate series.
Directly after the I’m Not Sweet, Just Desperate series I began to photograph a very strange scene. The location was the same, as one can easily tell, but this was completely different… I literally stumbled on this scene by luck and the help of a good friend. My original intentions changed several times for this scene and in an effort to mask the identities of the subjects I came across a surreal and creepy way of presenting it.
Part Monster #1 (2009)
A spontaneous photoshoot and endeavor.
Part of my Part Monster series.
